Do you need attention? We've got the solution!
Are you feeling left out? Unwanted?
Tired of being ignored?
Wait! We bring you...
Attention Guaranteed!
Brand New Offer, just in.
For a mere $10, we will provide you with 100 Victim Points!
With those Points, you are guaranteed likes, prayers and crying emojis. 🙏😢
Sympathetic comments like, 'I’m so sorry to hear…’ and 'Reach out anytime,' and 'Is there anything we can do for you?'
Secure your place at the front of the supermarket queue.
(Medical centres included for an extra $5)
One guaranteed job interview! Wow! Relay your sob story and climb to the top!
People will sit quietly and listen to your sad ass story, even though they’ve heard all of your needy whining before.
For an extra $20, we will provide photographic evidence of how you’ve been victimised. Our trained actors will give you a staged scenario that will deliver the kudos and validation you’re so desperately (and continuously) seeking.
Watch your popularity rise! No one can criticise a victim!
Oh, give her a job.
Become a member and accrue Victim Points. Soon, you’ll own you’re own Diversity Gold Card. Priceless! You’ll be a Top Tier member of society in no time.
If you've got the trifecta, sorry but you're pretty much fucked. Unless...
For a $1000 you can get the Biden Booster! We'll send you a Senility Ticket. Doors will open and tears will flow. It ain't cheap but Kabul wasn't built (or given up), in a day.
Oh sorry. It was.
