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Not getting enough attention? New! The Victim Meter!

May 6, 2019

 

 


Are you feeling unloved? 

Not given your due credit? 

Tired of whining without result?

 
 

 

 

Continuous virtue signalling posts can be exhausting.

Moralistic chest beating can hurt after awhile.

Not having really bad shit happen to you, can make attention seeking just that much harder.

 

 

That's why we've invented the ...

 

 Victim Meter!

 

Now you too can claim Victim Status!

 

Rake in the attention! Feel the love!

 

 

 

 

You don't have to FAKE CANCER
like  Lucy Wieland, Belle Gibson, Patricia Robertshaw and plenty of other
sad, selfish fucks. 

 

 

It’s so simple, anyone can do it!

 

 

The Victim Meter!

 

 

 

 

Simply attach it to your wrist, connect with our app, fill in a brief questionnaire and pronto! Your Meter will detect how Victim worthy you are! If your Status is low, the Meter will suggest multiple options how to embellish your story! Wow!

 

 

 

It automatically connects to all your social media accounts! It will post on your behalf. Watch those sad emojis come rushing in! Wait for all those comments of support and pity! Hell, people will be offering you money in no time! Watch your benefits soar! 

 

 
Purchase the Victim Meter now and receive a totally FREE Victim Card!No need to Shout Out. Just Whip it Out!Perfect for Airports, Rallies, Supermarket Queues and Dinner table arguments.

 

 

There's no company that wouldn't want to have a Victim on their books. It’s the New Way of Doing Business! You’re literally guaranteed a promotion! 

 

At the very least, you can claim free counselling and take a shit load of sickies.

 

 

Milk that sympathy for all its worth! Watch your life improve tenfold! Watch your friends list swell! You’ll have more romantic offers than a Tattslotto winner. Clock up those sympathy fucks!

 

 

 

If only Jessie Smollett was wearing our Victim Meter!

 

 

 

 

Perfect for worn out Social Justice Warriors, fighting for causes they barely believe in.

 

Don’t simply passively cruise through life. Forget those endless cries for Likes. It's sooo hard being boring.
Be a Victim instead! Just like a real person, except without the pain!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: Use at your own risk. Without genuine Victim Worthy Points, the Meter may call you a Whiny Attention Seeking Biatch. And everyone will eventually realise that you are merely, as they already suspected, full of shit. 

 

 

 

#VictimMeter

 

#ISufferToo

 

#ISufferMore

 

#I'mARealVictimYouAssholes

 

#IfIFindYouWannabeVictimIWillKillYou

 

#SayPlentyDoNothing

 

#GrowASet

 

#TakeResponsibilityForYourself

 

#WhiningIsTheNewBlack

 

 

 


 

 

This, above all, to refuse to be a victim. 

Unless I can do that, I can do nothing.

 

Margaret Atwood.

 

 

 

 

 

More Satire including

 

 

Bill Cosby's Super Cocktail Secret!

 

Rolf Harris' Greatest Pervy Albums

 

 

 

 

 

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